CAUTION: Crude sweariness ahead.
Rather than starting small, I first re-labelled an entire box of fireworks in 2012 as a fun project
My re-labelling began again when I was bored during the first Covid lockdown in July 2020 and just decided to recreate a wine bottle label. It grew from there with occasional new labels for my own amusement.
The main rule I have for any of these is that nothing from the original design or scan can be used in my version. Parts can look similar but I need to have recreated everything from scratch including any main photography.
Presented in chronological order.
1. Fireworks – Fizzle Bang Twats
The Fireworks labels were re-imagined in October 2012.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | Unknown / Aldi Brand | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Unknown / Aldi Brand | Bog Standard Fireworks |
| Product Name | Unknown / Aldi Brand | Fizzle Bang Twats |
| Variety | Unknown / Aldi Brand | Fizzle Bang Twats |
| Product Description | Fireworks | — |
| Dominant Theme | — | General swearing and crudeness |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | — |
| Barcode Scans As | — | — |
The full list of firework names:
SHIMMERING JISM
SPUNK SPRAY
RELEASED OTTERS
GOLDEN SHOWER
FOOTLONG FUCKER
THUNDER CUNT
MISSION TO YOUR ANUS
VOMIT FOUNTAIN
UBER TWAT
HAPPY ENDING
MEAT SEEKING PISSILE
SHIT STORM
CLUSTER FUCK
FROTHING GASH
CUNTYBOOBY
BARKING SPIDER
RUSTY SHERIFF’S BADGE
AERIAL BASTARD
SKY FART
PHALLIC SPURTER
CUNT BUSTER
HAEMORROID ATTACK
2. Jacob’s Creek – Bollock’s Crease
The Jacob’s Creek label was reimagined in July 2020.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | Jacob’s Creek Wines | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Jacob’s Creek | Bollock’s Crease |
| Product Name | Jacob’s Creek | Bollock’s Crease |
| Variety | Chardonnay | Hairy Conkers |
| Product Description | White Wine | NA |
| Dominant Theme | NA | Testicles |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | NA | 11 14 1 3 11 5 18 19 = KNACKERS |
| Barcode Scans As | 9300727406538 (Jacob’s Creek Chardonnay) | BOLLOCKS! |
3. Cup a Soup – Mug o’ Jugs
The Cup a Soup label was re-imagined in September 2020.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | Premier Foods Group | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Batchelors | Boobies |
| Product Name | Heinz | Mug o’ Jugs |
| Variety | Big Soup | Norks & Breasticles |
| Product Description | Soup | — |
| Dominant Theme | — | Breasts |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | 2 15 15 2 9 5 19 = BOOBIES |
| Barcode Scans As | 5000175409078 (Batchelors Cream of Vegetable Cup a Soup with Croutons) | TITS |
4. Big Soup – Dick Knob
The Big Soup label was re-imagined in October 2020.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | Big Soup | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | H. J. Heinz Company | Penis |
| Product Name | Heinz | Dick Knob |
| Variety | Big Soup | Wanger Cock |
| Product Description | Soup | — |
| Dominant Theme | — | Penis |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | 23 1 14 7 5 18= WANGER |
| Barcode Scans As | 5000157062864 (Heinz Big Soup Chunky Vegetable 400g) | WINKLE |
5. Pot Noodle – Piss Knickers
The Pot Noodle label was re-imagined in November 2020.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | Unilever | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Pot Noodle | Piss Knickers |
| Product Name | Pot Noodle | Piss Knickers |
| Variety | Bombay Bad Boy | Big Bad Bumhole |
| Product Description | Noodles | — |
| Dominant Theme | — | Various Swearing |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | 20 15 19 19 16 15 20 = TOSSPOT |
| Barcode Scans As | 5000118203541 (Pot Noodle Bombay Bad Boy 90g) | TOSSPOT |
6. Patak’s – Minge
The Patak’s label was re-imagined in December 2020.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | xx | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Patak’s | Vagina |
| Product Name | Patak’s | Minge |
| Variety | Madras Cooking Sauce | Minge Cootchie Snatch |
| Product Description | Curry Sauce | — |
| Dominant Theme | — | Vulvas |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | 7 18 15 23 12 5 18 = GROWLER |
| Barcode Scans As | 5011308505055 (Pataks Madras Sauce 450g) | GROWLER |
7. Bailey’s – Bastard
The Bailey’s label was re-imagined in December 2020.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | R & Bailey & Co. | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Baileys | Bastard |
| Product Name | Baileys | Bastard |
| Variety | Original | Arsehole |
| Product Description | Irish Cream Liqueur | Shit Cack |
| Dominant Theme | NA | General Swearing |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | NA | 6 21 3 11 14 21 20 = FUCKNUT |
| Barcode Scans As | 5011013100118 (Bailey’s Original Irish Cream 1L) | RINGPIECE |
8. Captain Morgan – Crapping Morgan
The Captain Morgan label was re-imagined in January 2021.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | Captain Morgan Rum Co. | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Captain Morgan | Crapping Moron |
| Product Name | Captain Morgan | Crapping Moron |
| Variety | Original Spiced Gold | Urinal Golden Piss |
| Product Description | Rum | — |
| Dominant Theme | — | Urine |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | 19 9 19 19 9 14 7 = PISSING |
| Barcode Scans As | 5000299223017 (Captain Morgan Original Spiced Gold 700ml) | PISSING |
9. Marmite – Shite
The Marmite label was re-imagined in May 2022.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
| Parent Company | Unilever | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Marmite | Shite |
| Product Name | Marmite | Shite |
| Variety | Original | — |
| Product Description | xx | Beast Excrement |
| Dominant Theme | — | Faeces |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | 19 8 9 20 5 =SHITE |
| Barcode Scans As | 50184453 (Marmite Spread Yeast Extract 250g) | shite |
10. Spam – Spunk
The Spam label was re-imagined in February 2022.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Homage | |
| Parent Company | Hormel Foods Corporation | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Spam | Spunk |
| Product Name | Spam | Spunk |
| Variety | Chopped Pork and Ham | Chopped Penis and Cum |
| Product Description | Chopped Pork and Ham | — |
| Dominant Theme | — | Penis/Semen |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | 19 16 21 14 11 = SPUNK |
| Barcode Scans As | 3760010402 (Spam Chopped Pork & Ham) | SPUNK |
11. Nature Valley – Mature Vagina
The Nature Valley packaging was re-imagined in May 2022.
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Homage | |
| Parent Company | General Mills | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | Nature Valley | Mature Vagina |
| Product Name | Crunchy | Old Cunt |
| Variety | Oats & Dark Chocolate | Haunted Fossil Fanny |
| Product Description | Crunchy Cereal Bar | — |
| Dominant Theme | — | Vulvas |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | — | 6 1 14 14 25 = FANNY |
| Barcode Scans As | 8410076600479 (Nature Valley Crunchy Cereal Bars) | FANNY |
